Jealousy

Today, I took The Boy and The Girl down to the creek behind the neighbor's house. The neighbor's teenagers came with us.

To call it a creek is not exactly accurate. To me, a creek (or brook, as I grew up calling it) is a small, steady stream of water.




This creek is big enough that it has large pools suitable for swimming...and decent logs from which one can jump (as long as one is careful)!



The kids had a BLAST! Personally, I'm not a huge fan of swimming in anything other than a pool (although I'll make an exception for the ocean), but this was fun. We all kept our shoes on, though, to protect our feet. I did not swim; I followed around in the shallow parts and shot lots of pictures.

After an hour or two, we returned home. Both boys remained in their swim trunks. No big surprise there. The girls, however, did too. Both wore bikinis. Both stayed in them with no other clothes on for the rest of the day and evening. We ate dinner, they baked cupcakes, and everyone ran around the neighborhood some.

I'm jealous super proud of the girls because they both have the self-confidence to wear their bikinis all day long. Grant you, if I had the body to pull it off, I might consider doing the same, but I don't and I won't!

Hope you all have a safe and happy 4th!

Betrayal

Way back in September of 2001, I got a letter from my doctor saying I'd had an abnormal pap. No biggie...happens a lot for some people. It had never happened to me but whatever. I went in again and had it redone. The second letter said the same thing - abnormal. Hmm...OK. No need to panic. I called my mom who, in an attempt to cheer me up, catapulted me into a depression of sorts by saying "well, worst case scenario, you'll have a hysterectomy and that's that." Um...OK. I really hadn't even let my brain GO there yet, but thanks, Mom.

By November, I was seeing a specialist of sorts. He ran lots of tests and did multiple biopsies and other procedures. Ever have a uterine biopsy? WOW, that sucks. The first time, I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I felt myself going but 'shook it off' which I later realized was a mistake. Had I passed out, it would not have hurt! LOL! The second time I had the biopsy was worse because I knew what to expect! I'm a wus when it comes to pain, so I was worried sick about this.

In March, 2002, Mom's words came to fruition. I had a hysterectomy. That was difficult. I was only 33. Yes, I had kids, and the insensitive people around me said "Oh - it's OK - you have a boy and a girl so you're done anyway." Um...who said I was finished just because I had a boy and girl? Maybe I wanted more. Truth be told, I wanted four children. The Husband wanted two and we agreed to have three (but I was still going to go for four). Obviously, that was not the case. After The Girl was born, we were told not to have more because the doctor was not sure my body (specifically, my uterus) could handle another pregnancy. Still, I didn't like knowing it was no longer even possible to have another child.

That happened over 6 years ago and I've come to peace with it. What bothers me now is the notion that, like my uterus, another part of my body is betraying me. While I'm not in excellent shape or anything (although I swear to you round is a shape and I do it well), I take pretty decent care of my body. I just want it on record that it is not fair that my body is not treating me as well as I've treated it.